My transition to College: Isolation, Loneliness, Insecurity, Lust

Man oh man.

The hardest transition I’ve ever been through (so far) is definitely my transition in moving away to college. Yet, I can say that this transition has also been the most rewarding of my life yet and I’ve also grown and matured in many ways.

I was born and raised in the same city for all my life and although I was excited about being able to move and attend University in another city I was so not prepared for the process of pruning, shaping, removing, etc… that God was ready to do in me not to mention homesickness and how its already a struggle being away from what you’ve known all your life. Now not everyone will say they’ve had a problem adjusting to the new college experience but as a Christian (even if I still fell short in different areas of my walk) I did not feel comfortable doing what everyone else was doing in terms of entertainment and how they found friends. Yes, that includes clubbing, drinking, smoking, hooking up. Before I found a community of Godly friends, literally all the fun that I saw and heard of involved one or the other of these things. It did not take long for me to feel the weight of being a Christian in college. No I’m not perfect and yes I fell short in other ways but because I was striving essentially for purity and holiness I felt isolated, lonely, insecure, and I had to deal with my own struggles with lust.

One of the biggest reasons why I felt such an emotional burden on me was because of a “situation-ship” (no title, no commitment. just intimacy and emotions. *RUN AWAY*) that was broken off because it was never God’s will for me. You think the person is “The One” but then you learn the hard way that your judgement was clouded because of lust and now you have a connection and a tie to someone that you were never meant to be romantically involved with in the first place. When the person literally just up and left (because they were taking heed to God telling them that this wasn’t it) I was heart broken in a way I never felt before. I had friends from back home to talk to but what I was dealing with could only be healed by God and I did not want to be a burden to them every time I felt or remembered the hurt and I didn’t want them to think that it was because I moved away for college. So now I’m dealing with a broken heart, soul tie, and I ain’t got no friends to go to because I just moved away, I was still trying to get situated into a Godly community and I did not find solace in people who couldn’t give me advice that led me to Christ. So guess what? I only had Christ. In my dorm room, when after class or when I was about to go to bed and I remember and feel the weight of my loneliness and isolation I cried out to God and I had no other choice. I wanted so bad to continue the relationship with this guy and just work it out but God’s answer was just No. Like a toddler, I threw my fits.

On weekends, when my roomies and their homegirls were getting dolled up to go out and I had no friends with any plans it sucked! When girls were getting hit on left and right from guys, insecurity began to creep in because no dudes were checkin for me lol. I knew that God was bringing me into a deeper relationship with Him and He had to bring me into a new environment and He had to remove people and change my way of thinking but it was just plain hard. I had to know and rest in God being ALL that I needed. Knowing and being content that I didn’t need a lil boyfriend. Nor did I need to drink or go out clubbing to be happy, cool or make friends.

I quickly found a church home and with it SISTERS who have been such a blessing to me in fellowship, spiritual and personal maturity across the board and it took time for me to develop those relationships but by the grace of God it did. I got plugged into a Christian organization and now I have friends and a community of accountability right on campus. When I say it was a process, it was a process. God was aligning me with the right relationships but I was still dealing with the sting of isolation and I had to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY my way out. Not only my way through but my way OUT lol. I had to let go of my past and move forward in the life that God had for me. Philippians 3:13-14 says “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Letting go was hard but necessary for complete freedom, peace, and security that I have in Christ.

I continued to pray for Godly relationships and God not only gave me those relationships but 3 amazing Christian roomies and an amazing older sis to disciple me. We get to pray together, cry on each others shoulders, just have real life talk, study The Word, grow together, challenge each other, keep one another accountable and we have the most fun! Contrary to popular belief, a Christlike life ain’t a boring life. The process that included being isolated and lonely was so worth it! God has truly become #1 in my life not only because I say it or have it on my bio but because my life is a reflection of Him being first and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m about to enter into my Junior year and the college experience has been so fun and I get to experience and be apart of different things that I enjoy and I’m passionate about without neglecting the values that I have. Every day is another day for adventure, growth, meeting new people, and LEARNING. About yourself, the world, and your passions!

All in all, the transition was hard and the process was too but it was worth it. God has never left my side and has taken away all major hurt, pain, isolation, insecurity, not because of people or things that kinda just filled those voids but because the process included me being alone so He could be all that I needed and I could be complete and whole in HIM so that now even though I have those friends or if I get into a courtship they will never take the place of God and if they were taken away I’d still have God and I’d still be fine.

I get to laugh at what I once cried about. Keep on persevering. Keep on enduring. You don’t have to be doing what everyone else is to be validated or counted in. God’s eyes are ALWAYS on you, in the moments when you feel ugly & in those moments when you feel like the sexiest person in the world. The maker of the entire Universe LOVES YOU DEEPLY. If you are seeking God you wouldn’t be going through the pain and the tests if it wasn’t for your good. Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. The loneliness worked out for me. Not being hit on by dudes worked out real good and the ended situation-ship led me even closer to a REAL relationship with a REAL man named Jesus.

 

 

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “My transition to College: Isolation, Loneliness, Insecurity, Lust

  1. Amen! I love your growth Gabby, God has called you a mighty woman of his word and I can’t wait to see all the areas he will continue to use you in. 😚

    Liked by 1 person

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